'Okay Spencer we got our gear packed let's go through the checklist.'
'Okay boss.'
'Generic characters straight out of a Michael Bay action film.'
'Packed both of 'em.'
'Kill off the most interesting characters in the first 10 pages.'
'Yep.'
'Terrible wooden dialogue that even Dan Brown would be ashamed of.'
'There was so much of that sir that I had to use the external pockets, but we got it all in sir.'
'Very good Spencer. How did you get on finding a suitably horrific and nasty terrorism device to centre the plot on.'
'Fine we have children with bombs sewn inside them.'
'Great that'll do. Do we have a global secretive bad guy organisation stolen straight from James Bond and might as well be called SPECTRE.'
'Check, this will play to conspiracy theorists nicely sir.'
'How about a complete lack of page turnability.'
'We got barrels full of that sir.'
'Lazy use of Islamic terror stereotypes?'
'Err sorry sir'. Spencer looking slightly embarrassed and moving his gaze to his feet mumbles 'that's leaked and gone absolutely everywhere, give me a second i'll try and clean it up.' He rustles around in the bag almost apologetically before James stops him.
'Right, well tell me it didn't go all over the explosive thrilling plot'
Spencer's face darkens further, 'Well actually sir they didn't have any of that left in the stores.'
'God damn it Spencer! Tell me you at least managed to put the cliff hanging ending in.'
'Sorry sir we ran out of space for that too, but I did manage to find a mindlessly generic one.'
'Very well Spencer that will just have to do, hopefully there won't be sequel to this whole sorry enterprise'.
Abysmal. 1/5
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